Valentines Day, what is it really all about? Truly, madly, deeply…it is about love.
A fun love, a passionate love, a new love, a holiday love, a transient love, and perhaps when we know (because we really do know when we have crossed the line), a committed, future love.
For the true believers there will be cards, flowers, chocolates, and maybe, just maybe for the born romantics a ring – THE ring that signifies our true hopes, beliefs, and values for a future together.
For some there will be disappointment, nothing in the mail, no knock at the door, no little blue box. How do we get our head’s around this, especially when one partner thinks the line to the future has been crossed, and the other either forgets or isn’t on the same page?
For oh so many years in my role as a pre-marriage counselor and marriage counselor, as couples came to see me I realized that all their excitement and energy would revolve around the dress, the suit, the location, the reception, the food, the guests etc. What they needed to talk about was their beliefs on money, family celebrations,
religion/spirituality, potential children, parenting gender equity, political viewpoints,
childhood and any true damage that had (even unconsciously) been done to them
by parents and family.
I hope this blog changes your thinking. When we enter Adulthood the life development stage is to find a vocation that makes work a passion rather than a job, and find a partner that make life a passion, not just an existence.
To do this we must forget the outward signs (as pleasant as they may be) of love, forget the friends & family questions and pressures as to when a ring or a wedding date will appear, and truly and rationally – have a talk about what we can REALLY do to get closer to our partner.
Ask these questions to obtain a greater level of true communication, trust and yes LOVE.
1. How can you support me in helping me change the things I do not like about myself, because this will free my spirit to love myself more and be less dependent on fixing you?
2. What annoys you about me and why? (You
will be surprised!
3. Reverse the question asking.
THIS is all about deepening your relationship, making it real…really REAL. Like eternal, everlasting real. Down a deeper level – so that the surface symbols of gifts and family questioning disappears – because the two of you will absolutely know, when the time is right for everything – an organic happening, Perhaps, when you feel braver, you can tackle the important issues said above because by doing so you will stop the problems that cause relationships to end, even as the wedding dress and reception is being planned.
Have a wonderful day whatever day it is. When talking to each other listen to hear, not respond. Validate that the message you received was indeed the message sent. Take your relationship to a deeper level. Most importantly learn to know yourself and then be kind, very kind.
Forever, Sue x
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